Open diary: sometimes i get so nostalgic I could cry….and then I do. Now im in college and I talk about my childhood the good bad ugly and beautiful. The things I resent and the things I am grateful for. It makes me so sad and so glad. I’m not making much sense, but I miss my sister, even when Im around her. And I miss the fantasies I had as a child, you know the ones where I imagined my adult life and college life would be a perfectly fucking happy romantic/dramatic comedy. I’ve come so far, is what I keep telling myself, so I have to be hopeful, like Tupac said. My freshmen year at FSU was okay, the first week was dreadful and the month before I left to move on campus was even worse. Humbling in the eyes of God I think, but depressing form the perspective of a not so rich brat slash drama queen. Certain points in my freshmen year made me hate my life, and despise everything. I thought why me? Every collegiate cliche seemed to have a happy ending but I lived in the “real” reality not the alternate. My “estranged father drove me to school. sad. my mother stayed in the slums of NC happy to see me free from it. …….and my sister, my sister…….I wanted to be free from my own mind. The thought worries confusion. Sadly, in my head, since of course material things made me feel better, worst of all is that I hadn’t gone school shopping, no new wardrobe no nothing and my hair looked a mess and I just didn’t like being in my own skin. I hid away in the theater avoiding awkward social situations, and ate myself up and over the cliff of the infamous freshmen fifteen. oh boy. So yeah…my dad dropped me off, he offered to stay and help me unpack but I said no thank you. it was weird already especially the long ride to Fayetteville. There was no one dear to me to send me off, say good-bye, help me fill my fridge my yummy snacks, or unpack. but I made it. I did it by myself with the little help my loved ones could offer. and Im here. Now Im on a mission to find out why the fuck im here, in every sense.But music is healing me and freeing me emotionally and spiritually. and I don’t feel so alone anymore, but it is a process. as I wrote this i cried. but of course thats only half my story, if that. Im more than what meets the eye lol. #RoyaltyPurityMagical
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